Who Could Ever Love Me and My Wonky Gut?

I belong to several support groups and one of the most common conversations is about relationships. Friends, Family or Romantic. Can we REALLY be loved with all the terrible things our bodies go through? Why do my friends all disappear after a while? What do I say and do with the people who shun me or try to offer advice?
I can say from years of experience, it is VERY possible to be loved. The tricky thing is that, when we are dealing with a chronic illness, particularly whats called an "invisible illness", meaning we don't always outwardly look sick, we have to realize and take into consideration that all those around us are effected. Your children, parents, partner, friends, co-workers. Everyone. And not everyone is supportive or understanding. And we have to be okay with that and let them go and move on. The reality is that our sickness can and does cut us off from the world on occasion. We have to cancel commitments at the last minute, take off work, not answer that phone call or email because we are so sick its all we can to do get through a day. Not everyone can cope with that.
I know personally, I have lost friends and even a husband because of dealing with Crohns Disease. My husband was cool with the good days, but not strong enough to deal with the bad. Yes, it hurt. It hurt a lot. I felt like I was less than, not worthy. then I realized something. I am NOT less. I am more. I am strong and I AM lovable. His loss. Not mine.
And honestly, nothing is better at weeding out the people who are toxic and showing us who are the ones we love and cherish for life, then times of adversity. One thing someone said to me once really resonated with me, "If they can't hang with you during the tough times, they don't deserve to hang with you in the good."
Harsh? Maybe. But life is harsh, no matter if you deal with illness or not.
Many people are well meaning, but don't really know what to say or do. And so many what to help or think what we are dealing with can be "fixed". A complaint a lot of "Crohnies" have is people who say things like "what about this diet?", or "maybe you need to sleep more?", or "but you don't LOOK sick?".Its so difficult to not take offense and immediately get our guard up. Remember, most people are genuinely interested in helping. So smile and thank them and maybe consider what they say. Or better yet, teach them about your disease. Yes, there are always those negative people who say snide remarks or doubt us, or that every present "one upper" who's been sicker than you and who ate only Kale for a week and is "cured". Let that crap roll right off your back. In the long run, do they really matter?
I am extremely fortunate in my life. I have family who love me and who are supportive in my health and life 100 percent. I have a small, tight group of friends who also understand and support me. And I have a partner who not only supports me but is my biggest cheerleader, confidant, sounding board and comfort. He is unfailing in having my back.
It's possible to have all that. I have found that the one thing that really counts is owning who you are. Trust in yourself, be confident, congratulate yourself every day for making it through that day. Moment by moment that we are breathing, and we are fighting and we are educating others, is a moment of success.