My Pandemic Year

 Thinking the other day, I realized that is has been a full year that I have been working from home during the Covid Pandemic. Not only working from home but doing everything else from home.

There are a lot of things that I learned about myself and those around me.

I hear people talking about Covid fatigue, pandemic depression, and other catchy words to mean we are all effected in some way physically, mentally and emotionally.

Trying to navigate simple day-to-day tasks seems somehow almost insurmountable. For me, I have realized that I am a seriously bad procrastinator when it comes to things I want to do and even with things I need to do. Dishes? Blah. Laundry? Ugh. Showering? Maybe.

Early in the pandemic, I thought that it was nice. I am home, not driving 2 to 3 hours a day. More time to accomplish all those crafts and projects I want to do. Sounded almost like a mini vacation. Working was fun in PJ’s or comfortable clothes. Not putting on makeup and doing hair saved time. The first month or two went smoothly. I can do this! I told myself.

Then we hit month 3. Month 4. Ok. I need to practice self-discipline. Wake up early, set the coffee pot nightly for the day. Keep a routine. Change out of PJ’s every morning and at least look like a living human. Limit social media screen time because all the information, misinformation and hatred and rhetoric were just making me angry and effecting my attitude.

Month 5 brought an almost desperate need do something creative and to connect with people more. Good ideas, like collecting greeting cards and stationery to write letters. I even ordered cool pens. Coloring books galore. I found my dream project, a huge dollhouse and stocked up on things to start designing rooms. Ordering comfortable clothes that are also “out of the house” worthy.

And it all sat. I would stare at all the fun things I wanted to do and could not find within me the energy to do something with them. I overwhelmed myself with projects.

On top of all of that I am still dealing with health challenges that began, for the first time in an awfully long time, to really beat down my mental health.

I have always prided myself on my ability to bend and flow with change. Life is constant change, and I am usually faced with one drama or struggle after the other. For things I have no control over I just adjust and go with it. It never really caused me to skip a beat. But being locked down showed me that a significant part of my ability to manage my life was the ability to not think about it because I was in constant motion. When that stopped, I was faced with the need to really take a hard look at what was happening around me and in my mind.

So, now I need to figure out how to manage things with a much smaller circle. My husband and daughter are my rocks, but it is not fair to lean on them with everything because they also need a pillar to lean on at times.

We all are trying to figure out how to adjust our daily interactions and communication using an almost fully virtual environment. And it really is not the same. Shaking a hand, smiling face-to-face, offering a hug to someone who needs one is really under appreciated. In-person interaction is much more important than realized until we did not have it.

So how do we do this? How do we adjust our minds and surroundings to protect and strengthen our mental and emotional health?

I have really learned that I need routine, I need to push myself to function and function well. Luckily, I was able to maintain working during this time and having a schedule daily does help. But that time between waking and working and working and sleeping is difficult to fill. It shouldn’t be, but there is this emotional exhaustion that seems to block the internal drive to do things.

Being on the go constantly took over so much that suddenly having more time is overwhelming. It should be a good thing. Time for family, time for self-care, time for things that have been on the back burner for a long time. But reality hits and there is this wide-open void of time to fill, finding a place to start is much more difficult than I thought it would ever be. After years of a fast-paced routine, coming to a complete stop is jarring and almost impossible to grasp. Now I must find ways to fill that space and I was so used to my days dictating my life, that learning how to control and dictate my own time is daunting.

 Have I found a solution? Not totally. I am a continual work in progress. But a few things I am working on are below.

1.)    Personal accountability. I am driven by routine. I know that about myself. But usually, a routine dictated by outside forces. Schedules. So how do I do this for myself? Well, I started with setting alarms on my phone. Reminders to wake up, set the coffee, stand up, stretch, write a letter, read a bit. Etc. I ended up getting a smart watch which seems silly but works well for me. It buzzes and alerts me all day. Tells me when it’s time to get off my butt and stretch or in some way move my body. I do different things. Near my desk I have an exercise ball, some small weights and an exercise band. If I cannot really leave my desk area for long, I do different simple stretches and moves. I do this every hour. My watch is now my coach.

2.)    Slow down on social media and the news. This was a big one for me. And it still is. Early in the pandemic I was glued to the news reports daily checking on the virus updates. Then the political climate heated up and I got incredibly involved in discussion groups and news updates. I tend to be passionate about people and justice or injustice. And a lot of the negativity and vitriol I read and was even on the receiving end of, really dug its claws into my mind and I think damaged my psyche somewhat and led to a worsening depression.

3.)    Do not be afraid to take time for self-care. And by time, I mean any way you can. Hide out in a bath for 10 minutes with music, take a short walk with just your thoughts, USE vacation time you have. Do not store it up hoping to use it later. Even if you have to plan a stay-cation, do it.

4.)    Connect with a friend or family member. Not a text, or a Facebook post, but a real phone call or facetime. A genuine conversation. On top of that, reach out with a card or a letter. Something simple can mean a lot.

5.)    Eat and sleep and dress (within reason) like you would every day if you were going to an office. Go to bed at a reasonable time and read or do something that calms the mind. Avoid screen time right before sleep. Plan a lunch, have your coffee, brush your teeth and change your clothes. Even if you change out of ratty sleep sweats and put on clean ones, that is ok. Just going through the motions of your routine helps.

6.)    Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. I am not the only one dealing with this and I try to keep that in mind. The analogy of the iceberg is true. All we know about someone is what they show us, but underneath there could be so much more going on. Have true empathy and compassion.

7.)    Find joy in simple things. I feed the neighborhood birds. Watching them on the feeders is calming. Putting seed out and learning the different species of bird is interesting and engaging.

8.)    Most importantly, do not overthink it or overcomplicate it. Lay things out in simple goals and steps to reach. Instead of planning this grand “thing” and quickly becoming overwhelmed and then depressed because you give up before you start, break things up into tiny, tiny steps. Want to write a letter to all your family members? Send a short, thoughtful note in a pretty card to 2. Then maybe 2 more tomorrow. It might not seem like much, but you will feel accomplished and ready for the next goal. Reaching personal goals, however small are like a happy snowball. The happiness and self-satisfaction will expand exponentially.

These are a few things. Working on them a bit at a time is helping me create a better me. A calmer me. A more productive me. It is not easy, but it is doable.